I have always been petrified by the idea of being perceived as vulnerable. It has always been associated with danger and unease in my mind. I grew up in a household where I had to grow up fast, unable to rely on adults for safety. I had to create my own by not counting on anybody but myself. It took a toll on my mental health, because I had to be strong no matter the situation which is impossible and a perfect way to set yourself up for failure in a never-ending vicious circle of “I got hurt” “It’s my fault” “I shouldn’t have been in a situation where I could have been hurt” “I need to hyper-vigilant and avoid being hurt at all cost”. Rinse, repeat. I was a perfectionist.
